The women who stand beside you on your wedding day are typically the women with whom you are closest. Close friends and family are at the top of the list, but choosing your maid or matron of honor is sometimes one of the more difficult aspects of wedding planning. How do you choose just one of your favorite people in the world to stand up as the one person with the best title? What do you look for in a matron of honor in particular? For some brides, the choice is simple. For others, there are so many women in their lives who are the best of the best that the decision is challenging.

If you struggle to choose your maid of honor, you're not alone. It's not always only about who is your favorite woman of the bunch. It's about logistics, too. Who can be there to help you with the things a maid of honor traditionally does? Who has the means to take on this job and not struggle? Who is the most reliable, the most creative, and who is the person who will be there for you leading up to and on your big day?

Your maid or matron of honor should be someone who handles pressure, stress, and last-minute issues with grace and elegance. Choosing your matron of honor might not be easy, but knowing what to look for will help you make your decision easier.

What Is A Matron Of Honor?

What, precisely, is a matron of honor versus a maid of honor? The two phrases are thrown around by brides and grooms regularly, but what is the difference? Do you choose a matron of honor or a maid of honor on your wedding day? It all comes down to realizing the small difference between the two titles. They are essentially the same role, but there is a small caveat.

Your maid of honor is simply an unmarried woman while your matron of honor is a married woman. That's the only difference. Both women have the same job. They lead your bridal party. They take care of you on your wedding day, and they take care of you before the wedding day. The details of their specific role will depend on them and on you. What do you expect of your maid or matron of honor?

Traditionally, your maid or matron of honor throws your bridal shower and your bachelorette party. She coordinates your life leading up to the wedding. She helps you with anything you need; and you only need to ask. She handles things on your wedding day so that you can be left alone to bask in the bliss that is your big day. She is your confidante, your best friend, your biggest supporter. She is the person there for you, no questions asked.

Is There A Need For More Than One Matron Of Honor?

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Many brides choose just one woman to stand beside them while carrying the coveted title of maid or matron of honor, but your wedding is yours alone. There is no right or wrong way to choose someone to stand beside you. If you have two best friends or sisters you cannot choose between, have more than one maid of honor at your wedding.

Some brides choose a second maid/matron of honor to stand up in their bridal party to help with things that need doing. For example, if your lifelong best friend doesn't live in the same city, you may struggle to give her the title even though she's the person who has always been your matron of honor in your wedding vision.

Perhaps, in a situation like this one, she is your matron of honor along with another woman who lives near you and can be there to coordinate your parties and your other obligations leading up to your wedding.

It's a personal choice, and it's one you must make leading up to your wedding. All you need to know is that there is nothing wrong with having one maid of honor, and there is nothing wrong with having more than one. Every situation is unique.

Tips On How To Choose Your Matron Of Honor

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How do you choose your matron or maid of honor? Every bride has a different idea of what her wedding party duties will look like leading up to and on her wedding day, and you have your own list of ideas. Now it's time to take those ideas and apply them to these tips for choosing the woman who will hold your hand and wipe your tears just moments before you walk down the aisle.

Ask If She’s Up For The Job

If you know who you want to ask to be your matron of honor, you can ask her to do the job. However, you still want to make sure she knows the duties and responsibilities expected of her if she takes this job. If you're struggling to choose between your friends and family to take on this title, ask yourself which of your favorite ladies is most likely to take on this role with vigor and excitement.

Who is ready to take on planning parties, attending wedding shows, and will never hesitant to help you with anything you need? You need someone who is local, who is always willing to help when she can, and someone who knows the job and can do it well.

Ask If She’s Someone Who Makes You Laugh

Believe it or not, this might be the biggest factor in choosing your maid of honor. Your wedding planning days will cause at least some stress, and you need someone who will take your mind off of that.

You need someone standing next to you who can make you laugh. You need someone who always brings a smile to your face and who always leaves you feeling happier, better, and more beautiful than you did before you spoke with her. She should be a light in your life, and she should have a personality that shines.

Ask Yourself Who Can Handle The Job

This is not the same as who is up for the job, as mentioned above. This is a woman who is not only up for the job, but she is one who can realistically do the job when it's given to her. The woman who has been your very best friend since the day you weare born might be the obvious choice, but maybe the fact that she is perpetually an hour late, has no organizational skills, and constantly cancels plans when something better comes up makes her a less than stellar choice. You need someone who can handle this job or else you're going to end up feeling more stressed and upset than you should.

Ask Your Family First

One of the most under-utilized tricks in the book is to ask your family first. This is a way to help ensure you don't hurt feelings or leave anyone feeling left out. For example, you know your best friend is disorganized and forgetful, and you know she has never hosted a successful party in her life. She should be your matron of honor, but you don't want to make that decision and end up doing everything on your own.

Now is the time to put family first so feelings aren't hurt. You get to choose your reliable older sister or soon-to-be sister-in-law. She's organized and dependable, and she was already on your bridesmaid list. Now you can tell your best friend that, while you'd love to have her be your maid or matron of honor, you feel the job should go to family first. This leaves her feeling good about her role as your bridesmaid and it leaves you feeling good that the job will get done.

Ask Your Bridal Party To Use Their Strengths

You don't want to hurt anyone's feelings, but you cannot make everyone your maid or matron of honor. Instead, ask your bridal party to stand up for you and use their own personal strengths in the wedding planning scenario. Does one of your bridesmaids have the most enamoring presence? Ask her to speak at your wedding by reading a poem. She's captivating, and that is her strength. Is one of your friends a wonderful baker? Ask her to help you choose your cake and desserts. Is another bridesmaid impartial and good at organizational skills? Ask her to help you with the reception seating chart.


bride and groom kising

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No one can tell you who to choose to be your maid or matron of honor. This is your wedding day, and it should be everything you want. You get to choose who stands beside you on this day, and these tips are designed to help you make a difficult decision when you feel stuck. At the end of the day, choose the woman who you want standing next to you. It doesn't matter if she meets the qualifications on this list. It matters most that your gut tells you she is the one you want to stand with you when you start your happily ever after.

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